


say you'll see me again (even if it's just pretend)

by tsukishimas



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-24 04:08:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2567675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukishimas/pseuds/tsukishimas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>how could he ever forget tommy?</p><p>(or: newt starts to forget, little by little.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	say you'll see me again (even if it's just pretend)

**Author's Note:**

> so long story short, i accidentally deleted this off of archive and flipped my shit trying to get it back but i couldn't so i'm re-uploading with a different title and a few changes. i'm really upset about losing all the comments from all the lovely people on the original, but mistakes happen. so here it is again, edited and hopefully improved. thank you for reading.
> 
> my [tumblr](http://stevvharrington.tumblr.com)
> 
> title from "wildest dreams" by taylor swift

Newt couldn't be more panicked. He lost Minho's shirt, the blue button-up that he really loves and let Newt borrow last week. And he lost it. He's tearing up his room trying to find it, but it isn't  _anywhere_  and he doesn't remember where he saw it last and Minho's going to be so upset. He can't believe he's forgotten after he told Minho he'd give it back as soon as possible—and now it's gone. 

He hears the sound of the door unlocking and swinging open and then Minho's voice calling through the house, "Hello? Newt? Thomas? Anybody home?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm here," he says back, and tries to semi-clean around the tornado he's made in his room so it doesn't look like he's been wrecking everything just to find a shirt. Minho knocks on the half-closed door and steps in, immediately faltering when he sees the mess.

"Whoa, dude," he says, eyes going wide with amusement. "What happened here? Did a cyclone hit your room?" He chuckles at his own joke.

"Um, no, I'm...trying to find something," Newt replies hastily

"Must be pretty important," Minho says casually, which only makes Newt feel worse.

Newt squeezes his eyes shut and wheezes, "Minho, I have to tell you something." There's a beat of silence, and he rushes it all out. "I lost the shirt you lent me last week and I've looked everywhere, I even trespassed into Thomas's room to look, but I can't find it and I'm really,  _really_ sorry."

When Minho doesn't say anything for a while, Newt cracks one eye open. The other boy is giving him a strange look, like he doesn't know quite what to say.

"What? Aren't you mad?" he asks.

"Why would I be? You mean you don't remember?" Minho says, looking a bit concerned, and Newt frowns. _Remember what?_  "You gave it back to me yesterday. Even washed it with a flowery detergent and folded it up real nice." He says the last bit in a teasing manner.

Newt frowns even harder, his forehead creasing and nose scrunching up. "I did?" He doesn't remember doing that at all.

"Yeah, it's in my drawer right now," Minho says. "It's not lost." 

"Oh." Newt's not sure whether to feel relieved or stupid or both. "I guess I forgot. Sorry about that." 

"That's okay," Minho says, and shrugs. "Thanks for getting it back to me." 

"Yeah." Newt nods slowly. "No problem."

 

* * *

 

The next week, when he walks into psychology class, the words  _Midterm Exam Today_  are printed on the board in big, capital letters, and his body freezes up.  _No,_ he thinks, _the exam isn't today. It can't be today._

"Newt?" Thomas is looking at him worriedly from beside him. 

"Why does it say the exam is today?" he asks, pointing at the board. 

Thomas looks at the board and then back at Newt. "The professor told us about it last week."

"What?"  _How is that possible?_

 "Yeah, last Monday he reminded us to start studying. Don't you remember?" Thomas looks genuinely concerned and Newt feels like he's going to cry.

"No, I—I don't remember," he chokes out.  _Why can't he remember?_  It's the midterm test, probably worth close to fifteen percent of his grade, and he hasn't studied one bit.  _Why doesn't he remember?_  

"Well, um, I don't think you can get an extension this late," Thomas says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Maybe you can talk to him? I'm really sorry. I should've reminded you again last week."

His entire body feels numb. "It's not your fault." And it isn't. It's his own.

_What's happening?_

 

* * *

 

He runs into Teresa in the halls of the English building as he's coming out of class, and she's smiling wide at him as she falls into step beside him. She looks unusually over-delighted, her hair is curled perfectly, and she's wearing a pretty dress (is it new?) as opposed to her usual t-shirt and jeans.

"Hey, Newt," she sings, nudging him in the side with her elbow as they walk together.

"Hi," he says, raising an eyebrow. "What's up?"

"Aren't you going to say something to me?" she asks, blinking up at him. 

"What? Should I?" Newt says.

She looks at him funnily. "What do you mean?

"Um, I don't know. What do  _you_  mean?"

Teresa stops walking altogether, her smile completely gone now. "You don't know?"

He's confused. "Know what?"

"It's my birthday today," she says, and she looks like she's just seen a puppy being run over by a car.

Newt feels like punching himself in the face. "Oh my—Jesus, I'm really sorry, Teresa. I totally spaced, I told myself last week that I was going to get you present and—I'm so sorry. I just...I forgot." He feels terrible, like the worst friend in the world, because what kind of person completely forget's their friend's birthday?

Teresa just looks sadly at him. "It's okay."

"I'm really sorry, I am," he says again, because there's not much else he can say that will make up for him being an awful friend. "Happy birthday." 

She smiles, but it's hollow and disappointed. "Thanks. I'll see you later, okay?" And then she's gone. 

Newt watches her retreating back and feels a hollowness inside himself. 

 

* * *

 

He's reading through the physics textbook (was it a homework assignment? He doesn't know) when he smells something burning, and he pushes his chair back in alarm. When he gets to the kitchen, Thomas is already there, aiming a fire extinguisher at the fire coming from the pan on the stove while Newt stands frozen in place.

When the flames are completely gone, Thomas turns around and looks at Newt, and he doesn't know if he's angry or annoyed or both. 

"Why'd you leave the stove on?" Thomas says, and Newt frowns at the accusation.

"What are you talking about?" he says back with just as much bite. "I didn't do anything. I wasn't even cooking."

Thomas is staring at him, but he doesn't look angry anymore. "An hour ago you told me you were making eggs. You asked if I wanted some."

Newt is so  _confused_  because none of this makes any sense, and he knows he wasn't cooking because he would've remembered. "No I—I wasn't..."

Thomas walks towards him and sets a gentle hand on his shoulder, looking into his eyes with concern. "What's going on, Newt?"

He swallows hard and shakes his head slowly. "I don't know. I don't know."

Thomas rubs small circles into his shoulder while he thinks, and Newt can practically see the cogs turning in his mind. "Should we, you know, see a doctor, or something?" 

Newt exhales slowly. There's really nothing else they can do—he knows the problem won't fix itself, whatever it is. "Okay."

 

* * *

   

The doctor talks to him for a long time, asking questions that he has a difficult time understanding. He talks a lot about Thomas, when he doesn't know what to say and gets nervous, and she asks more about him. Newt has a hard time explaining their relationship. He says Thomas is special to him. The doctor gives a hint of a smile.

She walks him out into the waiting room where Thomas, Minho, and Teresa are sitting together. Thomas stands up as soon as he sees Newt and starts making his way over.

"Why don't you go sit over there with your other friends?" the doctor says softly to him. 

Newt nods, and when he meets Thomas's eye as they pass each other, his expression is unreadable. He goes over and sits next to Teresa, and she drapes her arms around his shoulder and squeezes gently while Minho smiles reassuringly at him. It calms him a little, but his eyes are darting between Thomas and the doctor, who seem like they're having a very serious conversation, none of which Newt can hear.

Everyone starts acting different around him after that, and he doesn't know why. 

Teresa is gentle with him and tries to help with simple things like his homework assignments when he's forgotten what the professor was talking about earlier in class and his laundry when he's lost track of the las time he did it. Newt appreciates everything she's doing, but it feels like he's being restrained. 

Minho acts like nothing has changed, which is nice, but Newt can see that he's putting so much effort into ignoring what's happening that it's making things uncomfortable.

And Thomas. Thomas is a combination of the both of them; he does what he can to help, but puts trust in Newt to do his own thing now and then. When Newt meditates, like the doctor suggested, and gets frustrated and yells, punching walls and throwing things, Thomas pulls him in a hug and whispers to him until he's too tired to be angry.

Sometimes Thomas kisses him, when he's too upset to even speak and just cries, and Newt will eventually fall asleep with his arms wrapped around Thomas.

(Every morning, he wakes up next to Thomas and wonders how he got there.)

 

* * *

 

He's making bacon for breakfast because it's Thomas's favorite when someone unlocks the door and steps inside. Newt looks over, expecting to see Teresa, or maybe someone else from school, but frowns slightly when he sees a dark-haired stranger waltz in, like he  _knows_  them, like he's welcome here.

"I smell bacon," the guy chirps, dropping his backpack on the floor next to the couch.

"Uh, yeah," Newt says, and busies himself turning the pieces over in the pan so they don't burn, because Thomas doesn't like them too burnt.

"Make some for me, okay?" the boy says. 

"Um...sure." Newt just keeps turning the bacon is wondering why this random person is in their dorm, and how they even got in. Thomas is the only other one with a key, anyway, and he doesn't know why he'd give his to a stranger.

"Can you put some waffles in the toaster, too?" the guy calls. "The chocolate chip ones." 

"I don't think we have any of those," Newt replies slowly. "And who are you, anyway? Are you one of Tommy's friends?"

The boy looks like he's been kicked in the stomach, and his entire face crumbles. "You're joking."

Newt tilts his head because  _why does he look so scared? So hurt?_

Thomas shuffles into the kitchen, still in his pajamas and looking half-asleep. "Morning, Newt. Oh, lovely, and Minho's here, too." He addresses the stranger.

"Tommy, you know this guy?" Newt asks as he flips the bacon again. When he looks back up, both Thomas and the other boy are staring at him, shocked.

Now even more confused, Newt says defensively, "What? Why are you staring at me like that?"

All he's doing is cooking. 

 

* * *

 

He's at a hospital, but he doesn't know why. The doctor asks him a lot of questions and he tries to answer them the best he can. She makes a lot of notes on a clipboard, and frowns a lot, and all of it makes Newt even more nervous. He just wants to go back to the dorm with Thomas.

The doctor leaves, after saying something about results, and then Thomas comes in and Newt has never been more thankful to see him.

"Hey," Thomas says gently. "How're you doing?"

Newt smiles weakly. "Okay, I suppose. But I'm scared. I don't know what's going on." He looks at Thomas. "Why am I here?" 

Thomas inhales deeply and exhales slowly through his nose. "I'm just worried about you. And the doctors can help."

"But there's nothing wrong with me," he insists. 

Thomas's smile is sad, like—who was that, that was smiling sadly at him? It was a girl, Newt thinks, and she was upset about something, but he doesn't remember.

The doctor comes back and is saying a lot of stuff that doesn't make sense to Newt. The words are getting jumbled and fuzzy and they don't make sense in his mind, but he hears them, of course. He just doesn't understand.

The doctor stops talking and both she and Thomas are looking at him, prompting him to say something.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying," he says apologetically.

The doctor nods slowly and makes another note on her clipboard. Newt looks up at Thomas, and his eyes are sad now, too.

 

* * *

 

  

He's told that he'll be staying at the hospital for a while. They're running some more tests and Newt thinks that it's all a little ridiculous because there's nothing wrong with him, but he sits and answers questions whenever someone asks and waits for answers, which he never seems to receive. 

Thomas comes by with some of his things, some clothes and his favorite video games and snacks. He also has a bouquet of flowers with him, which he sets aside in a vase on a side table next to Newt's bed.

 "Oh, and I brought your favorite movies, too," Thomas is saying, as he holds up several DVD cases.

Newt beams, so happy that Thomas remembers, because he isn't even sure if he remembers himself. "Will you stay and watch one with me?"

Thomas's expression changes quickly. "I'm sorry, Newt, I can't. I have to go back to class later today."

Newt cocks his head, curious — he didn't know Thomas went to university. "Oh, where do you go to school?"

Thomas smiles patiently. "University of Chicago. Not too far from here." 

"Huh," he says. "Sounds kind of familiar."

Thomas nods slowly. "You used to, um. You used to go there."

"I did?" He never knew that. "Why am I not there anymore?" 

Thomas isn't meeting his eyes. "You're not well enough to go back."

"What?" Newt laughs lightly. "I feel completely fine." 

Thomas wrings his hands together, like he doesn't want to explain things to him, but Newt wants to know why he's here—why he can't stay with Thomas. 

"Why can't I stay with you?" he asks quietly. 

Thomas shakes his head. "I can't...they'll take care of you." He looks over at the clock hanging on the wall and says, "I have to—I've gotta be somewhere soon. I'm sorry." He looks back at Newt. "I'll come visit soon, I promise." 

Newt nods carefully before saying, "Will you kiss me?"  

Thomas smiles, and this time its genuine and radiating joy.

"I like you so much, Tommy, and we've never kissed before," Newt whispers.  

Thomas's lip trembles around his smile before he leans in.

 

* * *

 

He doesn't get any visitors for a while, which is kind of odd considering he has friends—well, he can't remember them, exactly, but he knows he has them and wonders why they aren't coming to see him. He wonders if they miss him, like he feels like he's missing them, but he isn't so sure anymore.

Thomas comes after two or so weeks (Newt supposes, but he's has never been good with time) and he walks into the room with another bouquet and kind smile. Newt smiles back, more than happy to see him again after so long. He wishes Thomas had come to visit sooner, but he figures he's busy with, well, whatever he does; Newt can't remember, but he knows Thomas likes it. Likes it a lot.

"How're you feeling?" Thomas asks, putting the flowers in a vase and sitting down next to Newt on the bed.

"I'm okay," he says, and smiles at the boy. "But I'm really happy to see you. I missed you." 

Thomas swallows and smiles back. "Me too." 

They talk about everything—what Thomas has been up to, Newt's new favorite shows on TV, the new movies that have come out (and Thomas tells him maybe they can go see one of them soon, together). Newt figures a lot of time passes, because a nurse comes by to let them know that visiting hours are over, but it doesn't seem like nearly enough time.  

Thomas gives Newt a hug and holds him tight for a long time. He tells himself that he won't forget how Thomas smells and feels because it might be a while before he comes back. Thomas is in the doorway when he turns around. 

"Promise you won't forget about me?" he says softly, and his voice is playful, but his eyes are sad and scared.

"Of course I won't," Newt says. That's ridiculous; how could he ever forget Tommy?

 

* * *

 

He thinks it might be sometime in the afternoon, and he doesn't know what day of the week it is, when one of the nurses tells him he has a visitor; which makes him frown because he never gets visitors, hasn't had someone come to see him in ages. He thinks it might be his parents because he hasn't seen them in a while. He doesn't remember the last time he saw them, but he knows it's been a long time.

The door opens and a boy walks in. Newt doesn't recognize him, and he has dark hair cut short and a bouquet in his hands. For some reason, Newt feels like he may have seen him before, maybe in passing at school ages ago, but he's not sure. It's just out of reach in his mind, like the answer is right in front of him but he can't seem to grasp it. He can't remember.

The boy smiles, and Newt thinks he's very handsome.

"Hey," he says, placing the flowers in a vase and walking over to Newt.

"Hello," Newt replies politely.

He steps closer to the bed. "It's me." His smile falters, and his lip quivers. His hands are shaking at his sides. "Thomas."

Newt smiles apologetically. "I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are." 

He doesn't understand when boy's eyes fill with tears.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys enjoyed this, even though it's sad (and made me really sad writing it). i dunno for some reason i find it easier to write sad things? does that mean i'm a sadist idk.
> 
> anyway, please leave a comment with your thoughts, i hope you have a great day, and i love you xx


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